First post in aaaaaaaaages! I think having half term and the trip to Paris has really helped and benefitted me, they've given me a break from my course and some time to actually enjoy myself without thinking too much about the course, which, after last half term, I feel I really needed, because I think I was really unhappy and stressed at college, and wasn't really enjoying the course, but I'll come back to that later.
I really enjoyed my trip to Paris, looking back I had such an amazing time! I managed to see and do so much, and met and got to know a lot of other students at Stafford College, who were all really nice to be honest, and I think after meeting some of these people, I hope that they will make college a lot easier for me and I will be a lot happier at college if I maybe met up with some of them when I'm at college at lunchtimes, if that makes sense. Especially since on the trip, I managed to spend a lot of time with one person that I've been good friends with since Primary School, and is someone I'd consider to be one of my best friends, but haven't really spent any time together in our spare time for a while, so it would be nice if I could maybe try and make that a goal for the next few weeks, to try and hang out with him more.
I was also very inspired by several things that I saw on the Paris trip, especially since I was constantly thinking of how the things we did and saw on the trip could be made into fun little minigames. The lecturers on the trip were all very supportive too, and I'd say I was probably reminded of how much one of the lecturers on the trip, Mark, inspires me as well. Not only did he point out that I could use everything around me that I saw in Paris for inspiration, but I also wish I had some personal qualities he has, such as being really relaxed, friendly and confident. Also, another one of them, Michelle, agreed to talk to me about how I was feeling about the trip, which really did help, as it really gave me someone to talk to about anything that was bothering me, and things I noticed. She seemed to think I was coping really well with mixing with others, and being in unfamiliar places too, which really did give me a lot of confidence on the trip, and it really got me to get to know Michelle too.
I was also really glad to have half term too. I managed to go and see Wreck it Ralph, which was a very amazing and inspiring film, I could really relate to the characters, and I feel that it is probably the best Disney film of the 21st Century so far! I could tell that so much work has been put into the development of the story and characters, as well as every other aspect of the film, and I really feel I will try and use ideas from the film as inspiration for future projects I might use.
However, despite it being half term, the foundation degree still wanted me to do loads of work, mainly in the form of reading 6 books, ranging from around 300-600 pages each, for the upcoming seminar about the history, rise and success of Pixar, ILM and Disney which was supposed to be yesterday. These books were: The Illusion of Life, To Infinity and Beyond!, The Pixar Story, Inside Steve's Brain, the Steve Jobs biography, and Industrial Light and Magic. Before the 27th February, the date the seminar was supposed to be on, I managed to complete all the books except for the books about Steve Jobs. I have however, read important parts of the Steve Jobs biography, and got about halfway in Inside Steve's brain, which, considering I only started reading the books last Tuesday (19th Feb 2013), I think is really good, and it shows my dedication and commitment as a student.
To be honest there were times I enjoyed reading about some of the things in this books, and they gave me a much better understanding of the different film companies we have been learning about and also gave me an opinion on the companies and some of the people that worked for them. For instance, Walt Disney seemed like a hyperactive nutter who was always on his feet and thinking of new ideas, and was very well respected, but could also be quite demanding and impatient, Pixar seems like a great company to work for, and everybody who works at Pixar seems very happy and relaxed, and Pixar founder Ed Catmull and Pixar's John Lasseter seem very nice and very hard working.
However, the parts of the books I didn't enjoy were when they went to talk about the business side of things, I wouldn't say I'm particularly interested in becoming a businessman, or have anything to do with business, because when I see or hear the word business, I imagine a lot of people in suits, and being miserable and bored and i just imagine lots of charts, graphs, meetings, offices etc. it just seems like a very dull world, like everything's the colour grey, and it's not a world I'd particularly like to be a part of. However, it was interesting reading about the rise and success of ILM, Disney and Pixar, and their journey to their success as well.
Ok, so I'm now back at college after half term, where before I made a wish that I would be a lot happier at college and nowhere near as upset or stressed as I was before my Paris trip, both with my work and socially, most likely with some of the people I was with on the Paris trip, because I feel that having friends to hang out with will seriously help make college easier. I suppose the same applies for school, but I felt so uncomfortable, scared and unsafe and intimidated there, that I did find it hard to make friends at school, so this is one of the reasons why making friends now means so much to me.
However, Wednesday was a very difficult and stressful day for me. Now I thought that , because we were going to be doing a brand new module, I thought that Neil would try and ease us into the new module, to get us doing practical work again, but when I got to college, it was really stressful when he wanted a PowerPoint presentation doing in less than 2 hours about some ideas on what we could do for our end of year show, and I felt he was being a bit moody about it at first, which did make me feel really uncomfortable, and made me feel pressured and rushed to think of ideas and how to present them, even though I have had rough ideas for projects I could do at college for a while, it was just the shock of the task and the little time we had to do it, and it made me feel like I had to rush my ideas, and I have been feeling quite upset and nervous about college for a while now, which probably added onto the pressure I was feeling this morning, but I'll discuss that later.
However, I can probably see why Neil is structuring this module the way he is, because of the lack of structure of the previous module, and he could just be trying to experiment with new teaching methods, but I just felt it was a little bit too structured and one of the things I haven't liked so far about the course is the lack of creative freedom and not feeling like I am allowed to do my work in my own way or style, which is making me find the course really difficult. I also remember this morning feeling like I was in a prison as well, it just felt like so much pressure. I remember this morning, at break, somebody asked me how I was, and to be honest I felt like crying, but I didn't cry, at least not in front of this person. Not because of the person who asked me, I think I was just feeling down about a lot of things, and not just about college, but other things as well, such as my social life and wanting to improve on it.
This afternoon however, instead of the seminar which I thought was going to take place, Neil let us all give our presentations, which to be honest didn't go nearly as badly as I thought it was be, even though I was feeling super nervous about giving my presentation. Neil was also very constructive about my presentation too, which I felt was great, and I think it might have gone a lot better than I thought it did.
I then managed to speak to Lynda, my support, who thought I had done very well today, despite how I was feeling, which did mean a lot, and I can tell she does care a lot about me, which I feel is really kind of her, as she did say that she was thinking about me a lot while I was in Paris, and I felt a genuine concern from her about me when she realised I was upset today, not because of her, of course, but all the things I have been feeling.
Also spoke to dad about this, and I think he felt sorry for me, because I'm "such a sensitive soul" and he thought, and I agree with him that it would have been a lot easier for me if I knew in advance what was happening today, other than the seminar, which I was expecting today which didn't happen as we ran out of time, but will happen next week, which will give me some extra time to memorise what's in those books.
Thursday
Today we were set the task of finding 50 images relating to our ideas we had talked about in our presentations yesterday, which did at first initially freak me out, and again, it did feel too structured, and that Neil was asking a lot from us, but then, after thinking about it, I managed to make the task much more manageable, and doesn't seem nearly as bad as I initially thought, and I did this by breaking down the 50 images into different sections of images I wanted to find e.g. 10 different pictures of storyboards, 10 different pictures of concept pieces etc. and I can use them all for different purposes, such as inspiration and learning how ideas are presented.
I also got to talk to Lisa, my Thursday support for a while today, about certain things, such as the course, Paris and socialising at college, maybe with some of the people I spent time with on the trip to Paris, which I feel really helped, and it was good to catch up with her after having a few weeks off, and it was good to have the chat, because it helped me to get some thoughts I've been having out of me so I could carry on with the rest of the day.
We then had to go to a lecture about our learning journals, which to be honest I did find a bit tedious, but I feel that the tips in the lesson will help me to improve my journal entries, as well as my overall writing, and has really made me think about looking back on past entries, and learning from them how I can improve on my journal entries.
After lunch, and after having some time to gather and control my thoughts, I was now ready to start collecting these 50 images, which doesn't seem too bad now once I got into the task. However, the computer wasn't on my side, it was going so slow, so by the end of the afternoon, I had only managed to collect 15 images out of the 50 I needed, but I don't think I'll have too much of a problem collecting them at home.
I'd also like to maybe get some help and inspiration from some of the other lecturers around college as well, and I do need to ask them a few questions anyway, so it will be good if I met up with them within the next couple of weeks or so.
However, I am a bit nervous about all the work that's now seeming to pile up, such as the rest of the 50 images I'll need to collect, the 2 case studies I'll need to write, and reading and taking notes for the seminar and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage it all, and to be honest all this work is making me a little bit stressed.
However, I am looking forward to obtaining the resources I may need for this project, such as books, such as the Art of Wreck it Ralph.
To be honest, despite my initial high hopes for college after my trip to Paris and having half term, I have found this first week back very difficult, challenging, and upsetting, and also, if I'm brutally honest, I'm not really enjoying the course as much as I thought I would, and I don't always feel happy on the course and the work seems really intense, like it wants to imprison and dominate my life, and I often feel I don't cope well with all the work I have to do either. The course is just not what I expected or hoped it would be, I just feel that there's a lack of creative and expressive freedom in our work; I just feel so far we have just been told what to do and how to do it, instead of putting my own unique style to the work. However, I still want to try my best and get the best qualification I can, I'm just finding the course extra hard and feel I will need lots of extra help and understanding, and to have the work broken down into chunks I can manage with, and the work being explained to me a lot clearer, instead of things just being explained once and then being expected to just get on with it. I'll still try my best despite all of this.
Also, I'm really not sure what I want to do after this course, or whether I want to continue in New Media, and I feel this lack of direction could also be a reason why I'm finding this course stressful, because I don't see a clear goal at the end of this course. I feel I really need to find something I really want to do and something I really want to work hard at, whether it's New Media related or not.
Then, there's also my desperation and ambition for a much better social life, especially seeing how well my Paris trip went, and I feel I was finally getting somewhere just before half term, and I just worry about staying in touch with people after they leave college, and really need help and more confidence in doing so, and will appreciate any help I can possibly get.
